Get real!

 
   I've been thinking a lot about idioms lately. Idioms, not idiots. Although I do a fair amount of thinking about them too, and how they're always either in my way when we're late for school, or asking far dumber questions than should be allowed by law. (Despite what your teacher tells you, there is such a thing as a dumb question!) Idioms. They're funny little things. Amusing. I like to use them. I've touched before on how folks on the spectrum typically take things literally. It's said that they see the world in mostly black and white. So when they come up against an idiom, it must be pretty confusing! When you sheepishly say to your autistic child, after one of those idiot drivers cuts you off -and you let loose a string of rather rough words-  "excuse my French!", and she replies, "You weren't speaking French", well - you'll be doing some pretty quick back-peddling. I recall once telling Georgia that she'd gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. She very adamantly informed me that, NO, she'd gotten up on the RIGHT side. The "right side" being the "correct side", which is to say the same damn side she always got up on. Geez, mom, you're such an idiot! Oof. Idioms are torture.


"An idiom is a natural manner of speaking, to a native speaker of a language"

   Sarcasm is another form of torture we like to employ in our house. I used to think Georgia had been done a great disservice by being born into this family of smart-asses, with a passel of pun-loving, equally as smart-assy friends. But now I've come to believe it's been a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it's a blessing that's gone under deep cover, and only emerges at brief, impromptu intervals to give darkly veiled progress reports. Like a NARC disguised as a high school student, or Johnny Depp as Donnie Brasco. Nevertheless by being exposed to so much chaos, in our conversations as well as general household goings-on, Georgia has gained a fairly substantial grasp of idioms and sarcasm. She appears to be able to take that understanding with her out into the world. Her reading teacher, Mrs. Patrick, (I'll talk more about her in another post) phoned this morning to chat about what they're covering in class right now. She said she worried about joking with Georgia, like teasing about wanting to steal her snack, or saying "everyone can go to the pep rally except Georgia" -that she might take things the wrong way and become upset. So she is relieved when G just laughs, and dishes it right back to her. One day she was drawing something on the board relating to their story, and Georgia piped up and said "Wow, that is really terrible. You can't draw, can you?" And they all had a good-natured laugh over it. Mrs. Patrick told me "it wasn't said in a mean or disrespectful way, she was totally ribbing me. It was great!" She doesn't always get what we're saying, but she senses it isn't what we mean, so she'll ask "you are being sarcastic?", and we will clarify. Yes, yes we are.

    To make a contribution to the familial purse I work as a substitute teacher. (Because at the rate I paint, art is not going to support us. And also my subject matter might be a bit too dicey for normal peoples tastes.) I take it as a challenge to try to pick out the autistic kids in the class, before I read my schedule and find out who I need to pay special attention to. While it is true that people on the spectrum don't look any different than anyone else there is always *something* that gives them away, and I can spot them pretty quickly. Well, I AM tuned in to the little behaviors that most folks might overlook. There is such a wide range of spectrum kids in every single class. It's fascinating! I was subbing for an aide in a 4th grade classroom earlier this week, and the teacher was talking about bull sharks, so she decided to show a short cartoon about a shark that a little girl keeps as a pet. In her house. The shark prances around the living room on his caudal fin, dressed in a cheap knock-off of Tony Manero's white disco suit. One of the little boys I was in charge of, who is on the spectrum, raised his hand and very sincerely said "I thought sharks lived in the water?!". This little boy is really, really smart, yet he could not wrap his head around someone taking a shark home, and letting it sit on the sofa and eat popcorn. It simply isn't right! Georgia would have recognized this premise to be just plain silly, pure imagination - and she might have laughed- but she'd still have to state to you, and then to herself multiple times, "That is not really real!"

   Ultimately we all live in our own realities. Some of us just have wackier realities than others!